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The Call

I spent the weekend laying low. We went to our friend’s cottage on the lake like we usually do for the 4th of July. I was pretty sore, but not super uncomfortable. I admit that even though I didn’t believe her the nurse was right; I was so much more comfortable when I wore a bra. I guess being a nurse in a breast center this wasn’t her first rodeo. Although, I did discover that wearing a softer bra that gives gentle support (I sound like a lingerie commercial) was way better than the underwire push’em up bra. Though it was not like me, I spent most of the weekend lounging around and taking naps. I guess I needed the “reboot”. It was a nice easy weekend. There was some discussion about the biopsy and what the results might be, but not too much. Even though it was on everyone’s mind it didn’t become “an elephant in the room” and I appreciated that. I tried not to dwell on it, but knowing I had 2 areas of concern I was pretty sure one of them was going to be bad news. I did not do any further research on breast cancer at that point because I found out there are different types and stages and certain types of genes that all come into play to determine what treatment(s) would be needed. With so many variables nothing beneficial would be accomplished. So, I rested and I waited.

Tuesday came fast enough and I went back to work. The day did seem to take longer to get through. The call came at a little after four. It was the doctor that did the biopsy. The calcification areas were benign. Good, one down, one to go. The tumor was malignant, it was cancer. Boom! There it was. I was quiet. The doctor asked if I was OK. I said I was (at least for this moment). She asked if anyone was home with me, I said there wasn’t. She asked if there was someone I could call, I said there was. She said I seemed very calm. I said I knew one of them was going to be cancer. She asked if I had any questions. I asked, “What do I need to do next?” She said I should find a surgeon. She said I could call her if I thought of any other questions. I thanked her and hung up. I called Terry and told him the results. He asked if I was OK and I said I thought I was. He said he would be home shortly and I said that would be good. I was oddly calm. I don’t think I called anyone else. I was thinking about my next steps. I needed to find a surgeon. How do you find a surgeon? Look in the yellow pages? I decided I would call my regular doctor the next day and ask if they know anyone. Terry got home and gave me the biggest, longest hug. We talked about what the doctor said and what my next step was.

Looking back, it’s hard to believe how calm I was after receiving my diagnosis. Maybe it was because I already knew what they would say; maybe it was just because that’s the way I am. Everyone is unique and we all handle things differently. Do what you have to do to get through. You do you.

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